oh joe. what have you done? You just went and gave us hope. You should know it’s better not to encourage us. Now we’re all going to have to live with blog posts like this, naively assuming that England will finish on day five… when in reality we’ll lose the last six wickets in a rush half an hour before lunch.
At least we’ll have memories: the memories of actually winning an Australian matchday for the first time since 2011. I remember the days in the late 1980s, a day when we didn’t win an Ashes series domestically, let alone abroad.
I think the most important thing is that we finally showed our fighting spirit – even if we lost this game. The bowlers were great last night and they were great tonight. Jimmy Anderson scored his first Five-Fer in Australia and Chris Vox rediscovered him on the radar. Let’s hope he gets some runs tomorrow…and then everyone’s like, “Ben who?”
No doubt the positive thinkers among us – and I suspect a naive fool or two (!) are still reading this blog – will argue that even if we go down 2-0 tomorrow, England are doing well good. We’ve shown Australia is vulnerable so they’ll get better for the rest of the series.
Don’t listen to this nonsense! England just need to win this test. We desperately need it. Remember, England’s bowlers are expected to perform well here. Neither Smith nor Warner contributed much to this. How many times can this happen again? I’ll tell you how many…no!
If England lose tomorrow, then the Ashes series is likely to be a disastrous one. England’s record in Perth is disgusting. We’ll never win there…we’re less hopeful than C3PO was in the wampa fight. Ashes could be over by Christmas.
So, my British supporters, get on your knees and pray. We need a little bit of luck and every batsman has to do his best to make it happen. Failure isn’t an option so I don’t even think about it.
That’s up to you, Joe. Now you give us hope, you just have to play well. Because, well, I’m not sure I can stand looking at Nathan Lyon’s ugly face when we’re losing. Besides, I only ask for miracles.