From our local cricket reporter Pies Morgan… (aka Dan Flanagan).

Somewhere in England’s homeland – an amateur cricketer wonders if it is possible this morning to live up to the high standard he has set for himself as a batsman after the Sixers rule allowed cricket to resume in England .

Villager David Hughes, 57, fumed that the month of training before the season hadn’t been enough to keep his average at an all-around 13.45. He went on to accuse the government of waiting until the end of March to allow recreational sports again. He argued that it didn’t give him the chance to reach his peak to maintain his impressive record of 25-plus points over a 25-game season.

“I’m a real victim of this pandemic,” said a blushing Mr Hughes, his impressive beer belly poking out of his tracksuit top. “I’ve been preparing to leave for months. The normal regime where I get wet twice a week and get cleaned five times in ten minutes is screwed by this tyrannical government. If I can’t practice at least one ball before the first match , Brocklethorpe 4th XI will give me a toast.

Mr Hughes also complained that the “rule of six” unfairly targeted him as he had never seen anyone like it in his life. Others are equally concerned about the road map for lifting the lockdown.

“We’ve had our first test match in less than two weeks and we haven’t trained yet,” said a worried skipper, Finn Legg, “how can I expect the lads to serve the cake as usual? When.” No chance to send a ball into the net? Or, in fact, no chance of hitting the 11th bat and then bragging about their “Extrameter Tempo” the rest of the way. Please think carefully, Boris. ”

As of press time, Mr. Hughes is reportedly not keen on using the net, as he doesn’t think it makes much difference.